Undercover Fun
by CheshireGirl0913
Summary: Inspired by the brilliant poem/story by Lord Pyron, our favorite six-foot feline is a secret agent sent to a suburban home to locate a device that could destroy the Seuss world as we know it. Will the Cat be able to outwit two innocent kids and a spy fish? Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**This was a story I was randomly inspired to write on a drive home from a weekend trip to Nevada. It is written in the span of two days due to rapid inspiration, and shall be uploaded as such. Constructive criticism is welcomed.**

**Enjoy!**

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She closed the door behind her and walked to her car. So this is the woman corporate was talking about. I could understand why most operatives wouldn't see her as a threat. She was frightfully attractive, with her silver-yellow hair in perfect bobbed curls and her white business ensemble appearing crisp like she just walked out of the dry cleaners. Anyone could fall for that.

Thankfully, I didn't have to.

I watched her drive away in her Jubdale Hirsch and waited patiently for time to pass. I couldn't just walk in immediately. It would launch questions for the neighbors and the people inside. I was the one to ask questions, not them.

After a significant amount of time had passed, I leapt from my hiding place, only to be met with an unpleasant surprise that made my tail curl. Rain.

As a cat, the feeling of water drove me nuts. Seeing it alone sends shivers down my spine. Thankfully, as I always am, I was prepared. I opened my umbrella and started walking down the road like I was meant to do something in this sad suburban neighborhood. I tried not to eye my target until I was only one house away. I turned to the home and started walking up the driveway, stopping at the front of the door.

This was it. I could either succeed or die trying. Mr. Onceler was a smart man, i could give him that. But my boss was smart enough to know his next diabolical plan. My mission was crucial: locate the key device for destroying all the Truffula trees in Seuss.

"You're the only one I can trust with this mission," my boss said. "You're the best we've got. They'll never suspect you."

I laughed to myself. The best? All I did in my spare time was juggle and practice a few magic tricks. Agent Mayz knew how to get what she want through seduction. Agents Grint and his partner Max were the best smugglers I had ever seen. I knew a few tricks, but I would never be as good as them.

I took anther breath and entered in the best way possible for an agent like myself...

I barged the door down.

"Look!"

"A Cat!"

"In a Hat!"

I smiled, adjusting my bow tie, "You will note, I am neat. Wiped my feet on the mat."

Game on, Onceler.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm warning you! Get!" I turned.

Dammit. They didn't tell me about him.

"Who's that?" I played off. "I believe we haven't yet met."

Oh, but I knew who he was. I tried to subside the anger I had towards corporate for not warning me about the woman keeping a spy in her midst. No wonder no one else would take this job. Onceler was smarter than I thought. Karlos K. Krinklebine was the possibly worst of them all.

Like the woman, he wouldn't be seen as an automatic threat. What could a puny goldfish do to a six-foot secret agent like myself? But I had heard about him from others. He was not one to deal with lightly. He was hard to read and a pretty good judge of character. Surely, he would suspect if I made a mistake.

Plus, he was in water. I tried my best not to let my face show it, but I could feel my tail ready to twitch uncontrollably. I had to show that I wasn't afraid.

I merely smiled and walked over to him, "I could play a game with you too, if you wish, with a game that I call... Up,up, up with a fish!" I tried not to chuckle openly. The little thing was so terrified, I wondered if I may have given myself away with this act.

"Put me down! Put me down!" I guess not.

Complying to his order, I popped the bubbles one at a time until he and his bowl landed with a "clunk" on the table.

He gave me the darkest glare you could imagine, "Outrageous! Now I don't want to be rude and I don't like to shout. He should not be here when your mother is out!" Maybe he knew. Maybe he didn't. There was no way to know. But what was important right now wasn't him. It was convincing the children.

I turned to the kids with a exaggerated frown, "It's up to you, kids. Whatever you say. If you think me untrustworthy... Send me away."

I hoped the kids would beg me to stay. That I could remain to show them more tricks. That I could continue on so I could locate the device, in beknownst to them.

What came next surprised me.

"Well, he is getting the house sort of messy and dirty. And mother-!"

"Yeah, mother. Back home at three-thirty."

And just like that I knew. I failed. By the children's request, I began exiting the building. I had no idea how to tell corporate that I had failed so easily. As I shut the door behind me, however, a lightswitch flickered on in my mind. I ran back into the house.

"Hey! Somebody stole my moss-covered, three-handled family grudunza!"


	3. Chapter 3

I still couldn't believe how easily they believed me.

The kids. Not Krinklebine.

The kids were running rampant trying to figure out where "my grudunza" was while Krinklestein was trying to find every bit of evidence possible to prove I was lying.

I knew I was lying. He didn't need any evidence to show it.

But part one of my makeshift plan was going well: Distract and Search. They were doing all the searching for me. I just had to avoid looking anywhere myself in case Krinklebine still suspected me. So I just sat in my chair, eyeing possible places the device could be while barking aloud numbers that would signify as either a possible hiding place or a waste of my time.

I couldn't help but chuckle. Cat Tech? Calculatus Eliminatus? No such place; no such thing. The "grudunza"? Just a random name I came up with to disguise my search for the device. And yet these kids hung on my every word. If only that fish was that easy to convince.

"Look at this!" The water-bound creature exclaimed in horror. "Look at that!"

The kids shared a glance that I recognized as fear. Fear was a problem. Fear was what nearly got me out of this house. I wasn't planning on failing again.

I slumped my shoulders and let my ears and whiskers droop, "Very well, I'm a punk. A cretunkulus shnunk..!" I hoped that pulling this card again would be worth it.


	4. Chapter 4

_CLUNK!_

Oh, I was mad. Anyone who got knocked off balance onto the floor would. But I took a breath to contain myself. Any outburst would probably blow my cover. It was clear that nothing could convince this fish. Or maybe...

Maybe I didn't have to.

Biting my tongue of profanities, I lifted him and his water home off the little table and placed him on the piano. If I couldn't persuade him, I could at least tranquilize him.

It was easier than I thought. The fish was out in moments. I could breathe a little lighter now that my biggest obstacle was out of the way.

But that device... Where could it be?

"Boy, you sure calm down Mr. K." It turned to the boy and a thought hit me. The kids were now hanging on my every word more than ever. If I bring up the device by name or even attempt to locate in within their eyesight, my cover would be blown instantly. I needed another distraction.

And I knew just who to call upon.

"In this box are my helpmates, Thing One and Thing Two..."


	5. Chapter 5

Goddammit! The girl would not leave my side. The boy was scrambling to capture the now-awake Krinklebine from my rampaging assistants.

Note to self: never trust Things to do a job you can easily do yourself.

Back and forth, up and down, they flew and fled around the house like kids on a massive sugar high. I had never seen a kid like that boy run so fast to follow them. Was this the distraction I needed? Sure. But the risks were a lot higher now.

The spy was probably more alert than ever and although one kid was chasing after them, the other was Velcro to my side.

I needed a new plan and fast. First things first, stop the Things.

That is... If I knew where my Things were!

I tried locating my Things and the fish when a distinct voice reached my ears.

"FBI! FBI!" The fish was contacting the police. Fear vibrated through my spine. My cover was blown. I was so screwed.


	6. Chapter 6

I was going to owe the Things one. I will never understand how, but they were able to tap into the phone line and disconnect Krinklebine's call. I had never felt so relieved.

But now I had other things to deal with.

"That's not a hat! You're not Cat!"

Now, normally I don't let personal comments like this bother me from my work. But from someone who worked for a cakniving monster like Onceler, it pissed me off.

I've been judged like this for years, even when I was a kitten in the litter. The other cats would snicker and jest at my abnormality. The humans would stare at me as if I was a product in a science museum. i was nothing like the others in my litter.

My siblings remained on their paws while I could walk on my hind legs. They grew an extra few inches, while I shot up a few feet. They played with yarn and mice when I practiced my tricks and juggling acts as well as indulging in the world's events and human skills. They preferred being... In the nude...but I enjoyed wearing my gloves, my bowtie and my hat.

Especially my hat.

This hat was a welcoming gift into the place I now call home. My boss saw my skills as something useful, not something worth paying twenty bucks for in a zoo. He and my colleagues trained me and respected me, bringing me in as one of their own. On the day my training was complete, he handed me the hat.

"A special hat for a special Cat," he said. And from then on, I was known as the Cat in the Hat. No one could change that about me.

And this piece of sushi in a bowl was not going to tell me otherwise.

"I am indeed a Cat! And this indeed is a Hat!"


	7. Chapter 7

The honk of a horn scared my out of my wits.

The woman.

She was almost home.

What was I going to do now?

Then I remembered one special thing I had hidden in the bowls of my hat. Something that if used right, would not give me away.

I ran out, leaving the kids and the fish to guess my next move in piles of copies of my own hat. The door shut behind me, I pulled out the machine and placed it in the floor. Within seconds, it grew to the size of a motorized scooter.

I hopped on and let it open the door once again. I picked up everything out of place, scanning for the object within every nook and cranny as I passed.

What a surprise it was when I finally got confirmation that it had been located in the kid's playroom. The one room we hadn't touched all afternoon. I peeked at the object. Hidden in a plush-stuffed Barbaloot, a creature normally found in Truffulla forests. How ironic. I quickly snatched it and stuffed it into my hat. With a smile and wink, I left the clean home, with the kids and fish sitting where I found them, puzzled.

As I continued down the sidewalk, under a cloudy, not-rainy sky, I met eyes with the woman. She looked scared, but I continued smiling and whistled down the road until I was sure I was out of earshot.

I pulled out my phone and dialed headquarters.

"Geisel, speaking."

"Commissioner, this is the Cat in the Hat. The object has been located, ready for transport."

"Good work, my boy! I knew you had it in you!"

I chuckled, "I'm just glad to be out alive."

"I'm sure your family would be very proud of you."

I grinned, "Yeah, I bet they would." We concluded our conversation and I continued down the lane, the sky turning pink as the sun began to set over the horizon.

Who knew a simple trickster like myself could outwit the biggest business-savvy monster and his greatest spy? Not me. But I knew, somehow, this day would go down in history.


End file.
